Let's Not Settle Down Together

You've had what seemed to be a wonderful date, then you don't hear from them for days...they tell you things like they want to take things slow and see what happens....or their dating profile clearly states they are only looking for something casual.  We can see them coming a mile away, either through their subtle hints or complete candidness, yet we continue to pursue the ever illusive commitment phoeb.  Why, you may ask?  Because our over inflated ego's tell us this isn't a condition they possess, they simply haven't met the right person, I AM the right person.  Then we jump through hoops and bend over backwards to prove this.  We allow them to dump all over us and we keep going back for more.  Because we just know that once we cook them that great meal, buy them that perfect gift, perform acts in bed that should only be seen front row at Cirque Du Soleil, they will finally have that epiphany that they can't live without us. WRONG!! Sure, there are exceptions to the rule, and one day these people may find that perfect person and their running days will be over, but chances are, in the interim you will be the rule, not the exception.

One of my all time favorite movies, "He's Just Not That Into You", became my dating Bible shortly after delving into this circus called the dating world for a second time.  It was as if all the obvious things we know about relationships was being exposed for the first time.  One of my favorite scene's in the movie is the following conversation between three women; 

Gigi: I think I've figured it out. Remember when I went out with that notary public and he cheated on me and then Anastasia from upstairs told me about how her boyfriend cheated on her in the beginning then he totally changed and now they're married and crazy in love?

Beth: I thought that guy was a process server.

Gigi: No notary. Anyway my point is, Anastasia is the exception, not the rule. We have to stop listening to these stories because the rule is most guys who cheat on you up front don't really care about you very much.

Janine: Ok.

Gigi: Ok, Ok. Exhibit A. Chad the drummer who lived in a storage space. He only used me for rides and yet I continued to stalk him for most of 1998. Then oh, um, there was Don, that broke up with me every Friday so that he could have his weekends free. I was delusional about that relationship. I used to refer to him as my husband to random people, like my dental hygienist. Anyway, all my friends used to tell me about how things might work out with these dipsticks because they knew someone, who knew someone, who dated a dipstick just like mine. That girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. That is the exception and we're not the exception we're the rule.




Truer words were never spoken, and this doesn't only apply to to women and the men they date.  I know just as many women not willing to commit.  They claim they refuse to settle, but will anyone ever live up to their expectations? Nah....So, if you've found yourself in a relationship or even on a date with someone you merely suspect falls into this category, and you realize you want more than they are willing to supply, go with your instincts, they rarely lie.  Don't kid yourself into believing you are the one, there were probably 15 other "ones" before you in line. and they didn't get into the club either.
  
For this particular scenario, the length of the relationship makes no difference in how you end it, the point is you simply end it and save yourself the grief, aggravation and eventual heartache.  Easier said than done you say?  Here's something you should ask yourself then, and repeat to yourself when you are second guessing your decision to move on....."Am I making them a priority when I am only an option?....Do I want to be exceptional or simply a rule?"  Once you've answered this question for yourself, state it to the person your leaving behind and get on with your life!!