Head at your feet, fool to your crown, fist on my plate, swallowed it down, enmity gauged,
united by fear, supposed to endure, what I could not forgive...
I gather speed, from you fucking with me, once and for all, I'm far way, finally the shades are raised...
Saw things so much clearer, once you were in my rearview mirror.
Because there is nothing humorous about an abusive relationship, I will depart from my typical form of commentary and speak candidly on this topic.
Whether it be mental, emotional or physical abuse, they all have the same effect. It is hurtful, degrading, impedes your self worth and confidence, is not only detrimental to your relationship, but mostly to your overall well being. Those who find themselves in these relationships very seldom know how they got there and very often have no idea how to get out. Fear and embarrassment are the chains that bind them to what seems to be a hopeless situation.
If you are in the early stages of an abusive relationship, you may recognize some early indicators but you may also be questioning if your suspicions are accurate. The simple question to ask yourself is if the person you are with ever makes you feel bad about yourself? If the answer is yes then move on as quickly as you can. No matter what the circumstance, there is NEVER any acceptable reason anyone
should make you feel this way. If you are in the depths of an abusive relationship, you have surpassed recognizing the signs, you are living them and have no idea how to get out. Take a deep breath, and know that you are not alone, making the decision to end the relationship is the first step in the direction of your well being. Take heed though, just because you have made the decision to end the relationship does not mean the battle is over, unfortunately it has just begun.
A big part of ending an abusive relationship is maintaining your safety, and that of your children if they are part of the equation. Even if yours was not a physically abusive relationship, this does not diminish the potential for physical danger once your abuser has been rejected. A big part of abuse is control, once lost it may manifest in new ways. With this said, following these key steps is imperative to moving on and starting anew.....
- A big part of abuse is isolating you from family and friends, so you feel like you have nobody to turn to. The people in your life will always be there for you, especially the one's you least expect to be there. If you truly have no family or friends there are tons of shelters and support groups. Whatever your support situation, the first step is to tell EVERYONE and ANYONE that is a part of your life what is going on and the decision you have made. You may feel embarrassed or ashamed, but take some solace in the fact that most people around you have already recognized what is going on and are simply waiting for you to reach out for help.
- Protect your home-
- Change your locks and install dead bolts
- If you have the money install a security system
- Make sure the outside of your home is well lit
- Trim bushes and trees around the home diminishing places for hiding
- Make sure all windows are always kept locked
- Protect your privacy-
- Change your phone number, have the phone company block unlisted numbers from calling in also have them block your number when you make calls.
- If you don't have caller ID, get it
- Purchase a PO Box. Use this address on any forms you fill out, to include a restraining order if you need to file one. If a PO Box is not allowed, list the address of a friend, family member or domestic violence organization.
- Out in public-
- Try not to be alone, if you must be make it during the day or make certain you are in well lit areas
- Change the routes you take to school, work, grocery store, home....basically anywhere you travel to regularly that your ex is familiar with.
- Carry two cell phones for back up, have 911 set on speed dial on both
- If confronted while in public yell "FIRE". People respond to this more often and quicker than any other cry for help
- Legal assistance-
- If necessary, file a restraining order, keep a certified copy with you at all times.
- Alert neighbors, schools, work, family, friends you have filed a restraining order, give them all a copy as well as a picture of your ex if they do not know them.
- Ask the police department to routinely drive by your residence throughout the evening for a specified period of time, or until you feel safe.
- If children are involved you will have to go through family court to protect both them and you. Make certain you have documented proof of the abuse or anything which will support your case.
- Put yourself back together-
- Register will a domestic abuse organization. Take advantage of any assistance, suggestions or group counseling they provide. Group counseling is essential in your realization that you aren't alone.
- Seek individual counseling to address your specific issues and needs.
- Join activities you enjoy such as sports, yoga, art classes etc. These will assist in relieving the stress of what you are going through, as well as give you back pieces of yourself a little at a time.