Do you have the time, to listen to me whine....

About nothing and everything all at once....I am one of those melodramatic fools, neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it....


Pessimists, Debbie/David Downers, Soul Suckers, Life Drainers...no matter what term you use, you know the type.  Those victims of hostile life forces that are beyond their control.  Convinced that everyone is out to get them and the world in general is a miserable place.  We are surrounded by them daily... co-workers, family, the person in line behind you at the supermarket. So why would we willingly choose to spend time with one...especially time that is supposed to be pleasurable?  Initially, because we are unsuspecting, temporarily because we think we can change them, and over long periods of time, because we simply feel sorry for them and believe leaving them we will further validate their negative thoughts.  Fact is, people are who they are, if this is an ingrained personality trait you aren't going to change it and if you stay to prove them wrong they'll eventually find something negative in that as well.  


This may come as a surprise to you, but I've spent some time with negative types.  For the most part the time was short lived, as I can only take so much complaining.  However, one in particular actually intrigued me in some morbidly curious way, that I stuck around for a couple months.  I had experienced pessimism before, but this was the epitome of pessimism, and sticking around was akin to slowly driving by the scene of a horrible accident in order to get a better look, I couldn't help myself.  Besides, he had this sarcastic charm to his pessimism that was somewhat humorous.  He was a day trader who worked from home, and at the end of each day I heard about how much money he lost because of a bad trade, he knew it would be the case, but traded anyway? He couldn't go out into the workforce because he had some debilitating disease that prevented him from doing so, hence he spent a lot of time in doctors offices.  Holistic doctors of course, because medical doctors were incompetent, unable to pinpoint his ailment, and were only practicing for the money.  He only ate organic food, do I really have to list all the reasons?  Ultimately, I determined this wasn't going to go anywhere romantically when he confided in me that he could literally see the future....and his was bleak at best.  This actually turned out to be convenient, because he could see the future, I didn't have to explain why I was no longer answering or returning his calls, it was simply understood.  Believe it or not, I still catch up with him from time to time, and he still amuses me.  


If you've decided you're tired of being drawn into the downward spiral of your partner, and you are ready to start living an optimistic, fun filled life, try these measures for moving on.


New Lovers: You're at the movies and they are complaining about the lines, the prices, the coming attractions....pretty much everything.  Pull out a harmonica and blow a little blues bit at the end of every one of their sentences.  You may get kicked out of the movie, but it should move things along quite quickly.


Short Term Investors:  You've been dating a couple weeks, or maybe even a couple months, and you've heard them use the expression "cautiously optimistic" more than once.  What does this mean anyway?  It means they figured out the trick to temporarily concealing the fact that they are one pessimistic son of a bitch.  Nothing clever here, simply tell them it isn't working.  Their negativity has prepared them for this moment and they will probably tell you just that before you make your departure.


Long Haulers:  You've invested a lot of time in the relationship and a part of you truly does love them but the gloomy life you lead is sucking the air from your lungs.  Before proceeding with any decisions suggest counseling or medication.  Sometimes this personality trait is more than a simple bad attitude, they may truly need help.  If this isn't an option, or you've addressed this step and your mind is made up the key is being honest with compassion.  Do not approach negativity with more negativity, simply state it is time to move on and do just that.  In the end, appreciate yourself, be proud and confident in your actions, others will no longer be able to affect you negatively if you are.