Heard it from a friend who....

Heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from another you've been messin around....


Probably the number one reason relationships end...infidelity.  Though we seem to hear more often that it is the man doing the cheating, this isn't to say there aren't women who don't also lack the moral decency which prohibits us from acting on our impulses.  It simply means the times I've heard "he was thinking with his other head", far outweigh the  instances "she was thinking with her vagina" has come up in conversation surrounding this topic.  


I've suffered a bout or two of cheater exposure, thankfully I have come out of them unscathed, as I ultimately had the last laugh....literally.  The first incident couldn't really be classified as "cheating", but it was definitely the tell tale sign that had I made it beyond date two I'd be humming along to "Before He Cheats" before I knew it.  I was on a second date, out for drinks at a small pub, and agreeing to play a game of pool seemed very hip of me.  While waiting for a table to open up I took a quick recess to the ladies room to adjust the girls in order to avoid any wardrobe malfunctions while leaning over to make a shot.  After taking a couple of extra seconds to reapply my lip gloss I returned to literally find him "behind some bleach blonde tramp with a pool stick showing her how to shoot a combo".  Though my instinct was to grab a mic and play along with what was obviously a Carrie Underwood video in the making, I casually strolled over to where they were and said "oh babe, I forgot to tell you, the doctor called your genital cream into the pharmacy today, I picked it up for you, it's in the car, I'll go get it".  I then casually strolled out the front door and didn't return.  Needless to say, I didn't hear from him again.  The second occasion can definitely be categorized as cheating.  Without going into the ridiculous details, I was actually simple enough to date a man for a number of months who was apparently seeing other women at the same time. Had this been agreed upon, no big deal, however he was pretty adamant within the first month that he didn't want to date anyone else....more like he didn't want me to date anyone else.  In any case, karma came knocking on his door when he made a date with a friend of mine through an online dating site.  He didn't know she was a friend at all, and initially she didn't realize he was the guy I had been seeing, until a few details clicked and the light bulb went off for her.  She filled me in on his sleazy behavior and after a few Cosmo's and a lot of swearing we decided she would keep her date with him.  About a half hour into their date I happened to arrive at the same restaurant with my "date" (aka the hot brother of a friend who was happy to play along).  We were "accidentally" spotted walking to our table holding hands and the reaction was priceless.  I had never actually seen a person turn white before...  Needless to say, that was the end of that.


Though these two examples were minor, as I didn't have a lot of time or emotion invested in either, the fact remains that I am clearly not a person who can look past lies, deception or basic scummy behavior. With this said,  it isn't for me to say that how I handle these situations is the way you should, I tend to go for the comic relief, I've actually been told I deflect with humor. Fact is, had this been a factor in my marriage I'm sure I would have handled things differently. Ultimately nobody has to live your life but you.  If you are a person who can forgive and move forward there is a certain admirable quality you possess and more power to you.  However, If you aren't, here are some fail safe measures which will rid you of that unwanted fungus.


Day (way) 4:


New Lovers:  If you've only been out a few times but you find they are looking at and flirting with everyone but you, try this......Put them on the spot, invite whoever it is they are ogling to join you, explain that you noticed the coy glances and don't want a possible opportunity for true love to be passed by.  Then politely excuse yourself and make a graceful exit.  You may get a call or text from them trying to explain, don't respond.


Short term investors:  You've been dating for a short period of time and have agreed on being monogamous.  However, you become aware that their definition of monogamy was taken from the book of Mormons.  The next time you see them, present them with a gift tied up with a pretty bow.  Tell them that the gift is something you no longer want but hope they are happy with....in the box,
is a mirror.  


Long haulers:  You've built a life together and have decided that you can't get past the hurt and will never be able to trust them again.  There will multiple stages you will go through, hurt, anger, disbelief, the need for paybacks...  If you haven't confirmed the infidelity, take this time to do so, there is nothing more counterproductive than suspicions that haven't been confirmed.  Once you've accomplished this make sure you think through anything you plan on doing next, as a knee jerk reaction can create consequences you may regret.  Take a mental break and give yourself some space.  Do not blame yourself, though both parties contribute to highs and lows in relationships, the decision to invite a third party into your relationship was not yours.  Talk to someone, get some unbiased advice on how to proceed, from a counselor, friend, mentor, someone you can trust.  Get checked for STD's, quickly!!  
If you have decided this is irreconcilable do not end the relationship, then take him or her back later.  Finally, if you are married, consult an attorney for further advice on how to proceed.